Am I Still a Writer?

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

This month's optional question is: Some common fears writers share are rejection, failure, success, and lack of talent or ability. What are your greatest fears as a writer? How do you manage them?

Um...all of the above? And also some other ones? 

Ok, ok, I'll dive a little deeper...

While rejection is certainly a reality, I wouldn't say I'm afraid of it. I think it's to be expected, and I've faced it before in a particularly brutal way. I think just being told "no" wouldn't faze me at all. 

I think my biggest fear isn't that I never had any talent or ability, but that I lost it and I'll never get it back. Do I think some of my work would be a hard sell? Yes. But did I think I was writing it well? Yes! But it's been so long since I've been able to do that. I used to be really proud of some of the things I was writing. I thought it was really complex and entertaining and would hopefully reach some kind of audience. But for the past few years, I just haven't felt like a writer. 

I haven't been able to feel motivated or inspired for so long now that I'm afraid I'll never be able to write again. And that leads me to another fear about what the hell I'm supposed to do with my life. I wanted to be a writer since I was 8 years old. If I'm not a writer anymore, then what am I? 

How do I manage these fears? Well, I've been pretty lenient on myself. I don't put pressure on myself to write or do other creative things. I kind of just go with it. If I start thinking about a story, I don't stop myself, but I don't force it either. But I've been doing this for so long that I think maybe I should be a little harder on myself. Maybe I should force myself to do just a few minutes of writing every day. I guess the problem there is that I wouldn't know where to start. I don't have any ideas for anything new or any existing project. I think if I open up a document or sit down with a notebook, I'm just going to stare at the blank page. 

I mentioned a while ago that I would be moving into a bigger apartment soon, and it's finally happening this month! I'm hoping that having more space and more peace and quiet will lift some of the stress and anxiety from my mind and eventually lead to wanting to create again. But as always, I'm taking it one day at a time. 

Blog Post with the Vampire

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

This month's optional question is: What fantasy character would you like to fight, go on a quest with, or have a beer/glass of wine with?

I'd have to go with a character I've loved since I was a teenager: Lestat de Lioncourt from Anne Rice's The Vampire Chronicles. I guess only one of us would be drinking wine, though...

I've always loved this book series and Lestat is a really fascinating character. Not to mention the fact that he's immortal, so I'd probably never run out of questions to ask him. 

I do think it's the writer in me that's drawn to this type of character. I've always loved characters with strong personalities, and antiheroes are also really fun characters to work with. Since I've been reading from Lestat's point of view when I was probably around 14 years old, I definitely think his voice has influenced me as a writer. I prefer to write in first person and really love crafting a voice for the book in that way. 

I definitely think there was some subconscious influence from Lestat when I created Jordan, the main character from my WIP (who would disagree and say he created himself, which is a very Lestat thing to say...). He's also an antihero and the nickname "The Brat Prince" would also apply. I have vaguely thought about this connection before, but I feel like it's really just dawning on me now. Maybe that's why Jordan wants to be a rock star...

So I guess in a way, I have my own Lestat to hang out with (IF HE WAS AROUND). 

How Do You Write Every Second You're Alive??

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

This month's optional question is: If for one day you could be anyone or *thing* in the world, what would it be? Describe, tell why, and any themes, goals, or values they/it inspire in you.

Well, my immediate response to this question is that I would want to be a house cat. Just living the good life, taking lots of naps, looking cute, and getting fed. But that's not really what the question meant, is it??

I don't know if I would necessarily want to be any particular person for a day, but I would like to understand how certain people's minds work. Anyone who is able to just keep constantly writing, constantly coming up with new ideas and churning out project after project. I feel like even when I was actively writing, I was only able to focus on one idea at a time and didn't have too many other ideas on the back burner. 

I would love to absorb the drive these kinds of people have. I want to be able to just keep writing and writing and writing and then writing some more. 

Finding inspiration and drive has been really hard for me for a long time now. I know there's no secret to finding it, but it's hard to understand how other writers can keep coming up with new ideas and getting them done so quickly. I wish there was some kind of switch in my brain that I could turn on and make the writer in me go into hyperdrive. 

I guess I'll just have to keep plugging away day by day, trying to find scraps of inspiration. I have been listening to my book's playlist when I'm at the gym lately, and while it does make me think of that story, I haven't actually brought that inspiration home with me and done anything with it. But, baby steps, right? Maybe one of these days I'll pick up a pen and start brainstorming again. 

Are you always writing or coming up with new ideas? What's your secret??

A Day Late and Several Dollars Short

 **YESTERDAY was the first Wednesday of the month, which was the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!**

Well, well, well, look who forgot to post AGAIN. To be honest, the days tend to blur together sometimes and all I really know is whether I have to go to work or not. Last night it dawned on me that it was indeed IWSG day, and I was way too tired to come with a post at that point. I wasn't even going to write this post since at least I knew I posted last month and didn't skip two months in a row, but last night I actually dreamt of the title and so I decided I needed to do it. I'm also off work today so I'll have the time and mental capacity to go read everyone else's posts. 

I feel like I've said this a million times before, but there never seems to be enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do. I'm trying to lose weight so I need to time to exercise and cook healthy meals and research recipes and so on. I'm also always exhausted after work so that makes doing more physical activity difficult. 

But writing doesn't require much physical activity, right? Sure, but is my brain ready to write yet? Nope. I just have no desire to do it. I know I would be happier if I was writing, but at the same time, I'm not exactly unhappy that I'm not, if that makes sense. It might just be that it's been so long since I've written anything that I'm used to the feeling, or maybe other things in life just seem bigger and more upsetting. 

I might be moving soon which I hope will be good for my mental health and for my creativity. Hubby and I have been in the same tiny apartment for over 13 years and we've been planning for a while to move into the apartment above my mother-in-law's house which is three times the size. It'll also be a lot quieter over there, with no neighbors literally on the other side of the wall to bother us. Maybe I can set up an acutal desk to write at, instead of it basically being the nightstand on hubby's side of the bed. I'll also have room for a couch! We've never had one where we are now. It's funny how the little things like that actually seem exciting. 

I'm hoping that between the peace and quiet, as well as more space and less clutter, my mind will feel more free to want to start focusing on writing again. I've felt stagnant for quite some time and a big change like this could be good. 

We also have a couple trips planned in the next few months (are we still paying back our New Orleans trip? No comment...). Hubby and I are going back to Las Vegas at the end of March for his 40th birthday. We haven't been there since our first anniversary in 2017. The hotel and flights were pretty cheap but I'm sure we'll spend a fortune on food and activities while we're there. 

I also just bought tickets to a Broadway musical for July since my favorite actor is in it and the theater is going to be set up like a nightclub with some actual seats on the stage. Did I have the money for that? Not really. Did I have to buy them anyway? Why yes! Hubby knew this would happen if I passed this up: 

Anyhoo, I've rambled sufficiently, I think. The next few months may be busy and chaotic, but we shall see what they bring! 

It's Been Rough

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

I kinda sorta forgot to post last month. I did think about it once the day before, like, "huh, I need to do that." And then I forgot. In my defense, it's been a rough couple of months. I got sick with pneumonia at the end of November and it took a long time to get over it. In fact, when I was almost completely better, just a little bit of a cough left, I got a cold. So it was almost like starting over the healing process. I'm still not 100% and just going to work takes a lot out of me. 

My father-in-law was also in and out of the hospital since October, and finally lost his battle with cancer this past Saturday. I've been trying to help out my husband and his mom and sisters as much as I can. I helped edit the obituary since it wasn't up to my writer's standards! 

Other than that, have I been writing? Of course not! Are you new here?? 

I feel like I usually have some kind of plan with the start of a new year, but I don't even have that. I do have a planner, though. So...baby steps. I really just want to start reading more and going through the different writing workbooks and guides and figuring out where to even start when it comes to writing. 

I did get an interesting fortune cookie on New Year's Eve, though: 

Food plays a huge role in my main WIP, so I would gladly welcome this. Still hasn't happened yet, but I can dream. Literally.

Finding Creativity (And New Orleans!)

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

This month's optional question is: What creative activity do you engage in when you're not writing?

You say that like there is a time where I AM writing....

It's hard to say what I really like to do that's creative besides writing. I think I go through phases of trying new things but the want to do them kind of fizzles out, or comes back now and then when I feel like trying it again. I really got into puzzles a few years ago but I haven't done one in quite a while (I really think it's because my apartment is so small. I'd probably do them more often with more space). I also got into jewelry making for a bit, but didn't do much besides a few bracelets for myself and some Christmas presents for my niece. Although knowing how to make bracelets did come in handy recently...

I don't know what other creative outlets I'd like to try. Does content creation count? I would like to get more into TikTok (if it's not getting banned...should probably look into that...) and maaaaaaaaaaybe starting a YouTube channel about getting back into writing. But we'll see. 

I mentioned in last month's post that hubby and I were taking a week long trip to New Orleans to see Taylor Swift (and eat lots of food...), and we had a great time! If you follow me on Instagram you've probably seen all these photos, but I thought I'd share a summary of our trip. 

Also I can't for the life of me figure out how to make these photos go side by side without the post going nutty so it's gonna be a (literally) long post. 

Here's a few pictures from the concert (they probably look better on my phone XD). It was a blast! 

We went on a haunted tour our first night there and heard all kinds of ghost and true crime stories. We visited places like Marie Laveau's house (the "Voodoo Queen") and The Haunted Hotel. 

And of course we had lots and lots of scrumptious food. So much shrimp...And beignets! 

The night before the concert we went on a Swifties cruise on the Mississippi River. I wish I had thought to take a picture of the actual boat! It was called the Creole Queen and was a huge paddleboat. This was one of my favorite things we did...just had a good time on the water having drinks, listening to Taylor Swift songs, and trading friendship bracelets with other people. 

We also took a very long walk to Metairie Cemetery to visit Anne Rice's family tomb, which was one of the main things I wanted to visit while we were there. We wisely took an Uber back to our hotel. 

On our last day, my husband and I both got our own psychic readings. I got a tarot card reading years ago at my cousin's bachelorette party and I've always wanted to do it again. We got a combination of tarot cards and a tea reading, and it was really interesting! Some of the things they psychic said about me were definitely true so we'll see what the future holds as far as the other things she said...She also told my husband that one of his deceased relatives is yelling at him which we thought was hysterical! We were trying to figure out who it was and why. 

The place was also a crystal and jewelry shop so I bought a few crystals. I've always been curious about it and figured I have nothing to lose by trying them. Three of the crystals I bought are supposed to help with creativity and inspiration (which I desperately need) and the long clear one "cleanses and clears blockages (spiritual and physical), opens higher states of consciousness" (which I also desperately need). I had asked one of the workers a few questions and had talked about wanting the creativity ones, and when she rung me up, she said "I'm so glad you got that one!" 

So maybe I'll be back into a creative mode sooner than later. That would be lovely! Hey, this post came full circle, didn't it? 

Wanna Get Away?

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

Not gonna lie, life has been pretty hectic lately. I don't think I would be able to sit down and write even if I wanted to. You know, because I TOTALLY would have done some writing if I wasn't stressed out, right?? That's definitely the only thing stopping me...

I feel like I desperately need a vacation, not just from work, but like an actual getaway. I need to go far far away and just enjoy myself for a little bit. 

Well, good news for me, I have a trip coming up at the end of the month!! Hubby and I are going to New Orleans for a whole week. I haven't been away from home for more than two nights in a long time so I'm really looking forward to it. 

The main reason we're going is to see Taylor Swift! (Don't ask me how much I paid for tickets...) It's also a city I've always wanted to visit so we're going to make the most of the week there doing things we've never done before. And probably eating and drinking quite a bit. 

I've been a big Anne Rice fan since I was a teenager so I always wanted to visit her hometown and see all the places that inspired her. I'd like to visit her grave site as well (did you know all graves in New Orleans are above ground?).  We're also going right before Halloween so I'm hoping for some extra spooky events and we'll probably take some kind of haunted tour. 

All in all, it should be a great time and I'm really looking forward to it. Do I think that visiting one of my favorite author's hometowns will somehow inspire me to get back into writing? Not really, but you never know, right? I'm just really looking forward to being many many miles away from home and just having a great time for a whole week. Maybe destressing will lead to the inspiration coming back.